—DEBORAH CHUNK: “Mr. Vanderpoole. You recently made a staggering claim on anti-social media that you are the great-grandson of Satoshi Nakamoto. Is that correct? Is this true?”

—VANDERPOOLE: “It darn tootin’ is, Deborah. I have known this for a long time. You see, my family passed a CD-ROM down for generations. It contains the private keys to my great-grandfather’s enormous trove of bitcoin. So when I speak for miners, know that I also speak for Satoshi Nakamoto.”

—DEBORAH CHUNK: “Is there any way we can verify that you actually own the private keys to Satoshi Nakamoto’s bitcoin?”

—VANDERPOOLE: “Indeed there is. It is a simple matter of public key cryptography.”

—DEBORAH CHUNK: But why wait so long to reveal this?